5 books in 5 years. 5 book tours. Divorce. People who act like assholes. Indifference, politics, nightmares, depression, anxiety, panic, and everything else that goes with these subjects have worn me down.
The public (most people), in their goal of trying to make themselves “look” or “appear” better than others, have sucked the life right out of me. Some say they are friends when they are not. Some try to “cheer” me up with convoluted theories and isms. Some even try “tough” love. I’m immune to all of it. None of it works anymore because I see right through the bullshit. I have flaws, you have flaws.
We are all flawed.
A woman who constantly berated and attempted to manipulate me has died. Her name was Valerie Parkhurst, aka Valigator. I fought with this woman for years, always attempting to out-troll her. I felt like I hated this woman, but after her death, I changed my tune completely. As we all know, each one of us WILL die. There is no sense in trying to fight it because we will lose. Upon her death, I felt a sympathy that I’m so very glad still exists within me. I looked up her postmortem funeral home and left a heartfelt and real message: “Although we had our differences in life, I pray that you find peace in death through our Lord Jesus.” I really meant it and hope she finds peace, although it’s not my choice. It is between her and God. I just hope I helped. Unfortunately, there are others, like 39 yr-old 270 lb. Derek W. Logue of Cincinnati, who not only celebrated her death and trip to Hell, but wished many others, including me, the same fate. Sad, isn’t it?
Derek has spent a great deal of time teasing me about my weight (much of which I have lost), and criticizing my sympathy over a passed away woman. That kind of bullshit is wearing on my human soul. We need to learn how to forgive and forget. Derek, unfortunately, doesn’t get that because his bitterness runs so deep. I pray for Derek too. Any one of us could be gone any day. Let’s not be angry with one another on that day.
I’m burned out. In my 5 books since 2010, I have written nearly 750,000 words that encompassed 20,000 pages. I did a lot of research, typing and interviewing in that time. I’m tired and depressed. I have nothing more to give right now. I feel numb. If anybody thought a writer’s job was easy?? I have to laugh. It’s a tough job. You put your heart into something and get very little in return. You put your work out there and hope for the best from people. While 75% of feedback is positive, that 25% crap hurts like a bitch. I don’t even read the reviews any more. They are too painful.
I really could go on and on, but this is just a post, not a novel. Please remember….any one of us could die at any moment. Let’s please be kind to others.
I’m tired and I’m fried……torched….I hope I live to write another book..